Good evening readers!
I just got home from a long, busy day at work. I came home to a place that was messy. The laundry was piled up, dogs needed to be fed, and a bunch of mail to open up. That’s a typical evening for me. I usually do everything on the list(for the exception of this week). I was in no mood to do anything, but I let the pups out, fed them, took them out again. I took off my work clothes( a sick student threw up on me today…I felt so bad for her), put them in the wash and folded laundry. Let me just say I loathe laundry and/or folding it. Ugh, such pain in the butt. Anyways, after I made my house look presentable I felt good. I felt like I could do anything, SO I decided to sit down and write.
I have a few people in my life right now that are going through some hardships with their relationships. I have one friend who was in a toxic relationship. My friend didn’t know it at the time, but they were. We’ve had lots of discussions about it. Everyone has been in some type of toxic relationship. I know I have. I was thinking of my friend tonight and thought maybe my experience could help anyone going through it right now.
This post is a tough one for me because I don’t open up about this very often, but if this can help someone out it’s all worth it to me.
Beginning of the Toxic Relationship
Nearly 94% of people between the ages of 17-24 are in toxic relationships. Toxic relationships can be physically, emotionally, mentally, or verbally abused. None of those should ever be tolerated. When you’re in a relationship with someone you will over look certain aspects of them because you love them. Like the saying goes,
“Love is blind.” It truly is. Love can make you do some crazy things for one person. In most relationships everything starts off all gushy and romantic. As you two get to know each other you find out certain qualities that you may or may not like. If you don’t like certain qualities you may over look them because you two are new(just an example). 94% of people don’t realize they’re in a toxic relationship right away. My friend and I were two of the 94%. Personally, I had thoughts during my relationship of leaving them(NOT my current one haha), but I never seemed to have the guts to do it. I can only go off of my friends personal experiences and most of them said they had doubts too, but never left. It’s tough.
Recognizing the Signs
This is probably the hardest part. There’s a very, very fine line with this. Everyone has different opinions about this. So these are just MY opinions. Here are some possible red flags.
The person doesn’t just have to punch you or slap you. Personally, if a person pushes you or grabs a body part and won’t let go is a definite red flag. The major red flag I had in my old relationship was one drunk night. The person was wasted. The person wasn’t treating me very nicely so I spoke up. Shocker, that person told me to shut up and go sit down. I guess that night I had enough of their BS. I decided to tell the person to stop talking to me like that and that person decided to pick me up and throw me against a brick wall outside. In that moment all I could do was cry. Of course, I ran after them saying I was sorry. That right there folks was completely uncalled for. There were a few other occasions where they put their hands on me. IF SOMEBODY EVER PUTS HANDS ON YOU…WALK OUT. Please don’t ever put up with physical abuse. No one ever deserves that.
These two can definitely connect with the physical toxic relationships. After certain physical situations you can feel as though you did something wrong when you didn’t. After that situation I felt like I did something wrong. I felt like I couldn’t speak up anymore. I had to stay quite when I was frustrated or annoyed. To be honest, that’s exactly what I did. That effected me for years, I still battle with it at times.
From another point of view can be cheating. Cheating can really mess someone up. When someone cheats on you it can make you feel as though you’re not good enough, not worth anything. YOU feel like a POS because that person cheated on you. When you’re in a toxic relationship you can possibly feel as though they deserve someone better than you because you’re a person who got cheated on. If that makes sense at all. It always sounds better in your head. Anyways, I know plenty of people who felt emotionally distraught because of cheating. In some situations the cheater may blame the other person. That actually happened with me. I caught the same person cheating on me. I caught them in the act. Afterwards we got into an argument(typical) and I asked them why did they do it. That person said because I wanted too much out of our relationship. Hmmm… yes of course I wanted something out our relationship. We were together, duh. Somehow that person got to me and I felt horrible. I didn’t feel mad, disappointed, or bitter, just mad at myself for expecting too much. How messed up right? That person knew how to do that to me. Emotional and mental toxic relationships can stay with you for a lifetime. ONLY if you let them though.
The one that got to me the most in my past relationship. When they physically did something to me it would go away. When they emotionally did something to me it messed me up pretty well. When they would verbally abuse me to me was the worst. That person would always tell me to shut the f%@k up, you’re f@%^king crazy, you’re a POS, or you’re stupid. After a while I started believing them. I take what people say seriously. Someone’s word means a lot to me. That’s just how I work. At first, I would argue with them and stick up for myself. After a while I got tired of trying to defend myself when I wasn’t being heard. Which in turn made me think those things were true.
All of these go hand in hand. If you get any of these types of red flags leave the relationship. I understand it may be tough in certain situations, but if possible leave. Again, these are just my opinions. Everyone goes through different experiences. If you ever need someone to talk to please feel free to reach out to me.
This is unique for each individual. Some people find a hobby to keep their mind preoccupied. Others may mourn the loss of the relationship and move on. Some have lifelong effects from that toxic relationship. People have trust issues, commitment issues, or even more severe. How did I get through it? Lots of friends and family and self-love. To be 100% honest I still struggle with it sometimes. I have trust issues. I don’t trust very easily due to my past relationships. Does it mean I’m never going to love? Hell no. That person may have overpowered my life back then, but not today. I’m full of so much love that person couldn’t accept how much love I had. For those of you going through it right now, it sucks. There’s not doubt about that, but it will get better. One day you will find that person who make everything better.
Toxic relationships are very common, too common. For people who are victims to it talk to someone. For the people who know someone in a toxic relationship, talk to them. Make sure to be supportive and not leave their side. They probably need you more than ever. If they don’t believe you, it’s okay, it’s normal. Just keep being there for them. They will thank you later.
Thankfully, I found someone. I found someone who lets me be me. My weird, funny self. I found a man who treated me with respect and love. He has never tried to put me down. He always has open arms and ears. I never thought I would find a man who would treat me right. I’m so blessed I found him. He has made me into a stronger person. He has helped get over my trust issues. When you find someone who makes you feel amazing, keep them…you deserve it sweetheart ❤
If you need help visit these websites and phone numbers:
Hope Line 1(877)-235-4525